The celebrated memoirist uses a little deception and a judicious ‘fuck’ to make a point.
Books are found everywhere. Hand-outs fly away. I can’t sleep. my mind is overloaded with infos. Don’t know what to do. Don’t know how to manage my time. i can’t eat because I need to review my lessons very well to get A+ on my grade. What to do?
The moment I entered our university library, artificial cold air touched my skin (air conditioned room), welcomed with noise. How can I review in this place? They made it like a market. People are buzzing; chatting with one another, sleeping.
I went out the library to find out a place. A silent place. And here am I, I found myself inside the “Peace corner” zone of the Guidance office. It’s so silent. I felt that the silence would kill me.
I can’t understand myself. Why am I like this? Why is it so hard to review?
Oh come on, my whole body, please bear with me.
Here am I, living in a far place. It was dark. I was alone. No one dared to visit me. No one befriended me. No one believes in me. No one trusts me. I want to escape this kind of situation. I wanna disappear immediately. I wanna let the world eat me and vanish. I wanna die. I wanna kill myself.
But things like that can’t just happen. It takes a lot of courage to do that. Yeah i know. But what should I do? Keep quiet? No way. I can’t do anything. I don’t know how to escape darkness.
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